Advice for Pupils
Am I Being Bullied?
Answer the following questions:
1) Are you being made to feel unhappy or upset by another individual or group?
2) Has this been happening for a while?
3) Have you got control of this situation?
If your answer is ‘Yes’ to questions 1 and 2, and ‘No’ to question 3, then there is a good chance that you are being bullied.
Bullying can involve
* Receiving uncomfortable online communications
* Name calling and spreading rumours
* Hitting, pushing, crowding
* Leaving people out
* Threatening looks
* Taking or damaging your belongings
* Nasty Jokes
Bullying can affect both boys and girls. Girls are less likely to punch and kick, but words can hurt just as much. Verbal and emotional bullying is just as serious as punching and kicking.
What Does Bullying Feel Like?
If you are being bullied you may feel some of the following emotions:
* Ashamed * Humiliated
* Degraded * Lonely
* Unpopular * Scared
* Threatened * Worried
* Distressed * Frustrated
* Angry * Confused
* Helpless * Unhappy about yourself
Many children are victims of bullying – it is estimated that half of all children get bullied at some time during school.
It is NORMAL to feel any of the above ways if you are being bullied. You are not alone in feeling this way.
Why Am I Getting Bullied?
You may get bullied because you are:
Everybody is different! There is nothing wrong about being different to other people. Remember – the bully wants you to feel bad about yourself, but never start to believe that what they are saying about you is true, or that it is your fault!
Speaking Out About Bullying
Some people pretend bullying does not exist. This can be hard, but if you speak out, people can’t ignore it! Speak out about bullying, talk about what is happening and how it makes you feel.
Sometimes it is easier to write or draw, rather than talk. You could show an adult your drawings, or you can write in your journal and share this with your teacher.
When reporting an incident, be clear about:
- What happened
- How often it has happened
- Who was involved
- Who saw it happen
Where it happened
- What you have done about it already
If you can, screen shot uncomfortable messages/photos/communications on all devices. If you have kept a record, it may be useful to show it to the person you have decided to tell.
To tell or not to tell?
The best to way to stop bullying, including online incidents, is to bring it out into the open by talking about it. You may be afraid of what will happen if you tell someone or feel that the bullying might get worse. Most bullies are cowards, and the main thing that the bully wants is for the bullying to be kept a secret. If you do tell, they are likely to be too scared to continue.
Who to tell?
If this is a relatively new problem, it may be that the bully doesn’t know that what they are doing is hurtful to you. They may think that they are just teasing you or playing with you. If you tell them, they may just stop. However, if the problem is more serious, you should think of who to tell next.
Friends in your class, or friendly older students may be able to give you support and advice. You can also go to our Buddies and Mediators for advice and support. However, they may not have the power to stop the bully, so an adult may still need to be informed.
Think about an adult who you trust, and find easy to talk to. It might be:
- Your parents or another trusted adult at home
- Your teacher or another teacher
- Mrs. Whitton or Mrs. Sleeman
- Miss Scott, particularly if this is about online activity
- A learning support assistant, Mrs Rice who looks after the Buddies and Mediators
- Mrs. Grabham or Mrs Jackson in the Office
- Mr. Pratt, our caretaker
- One of our Lunchtime Supervisors
If you don’t feel comfortable talking to a family member or an adult at school, there may be other adults that you can talk to:
- Leader of a youth group such as the Brownies, or the Cubs
- Someone from the Church
- A friend’s parent
There are online reporting and discussion sites that offer help like CEOP and Childline. Look at the Safe Computing page (click the link at the bottom of this page) for more information and links to some helpful web sites.
Whatever you decide to do:
*DO NOT SUFFER IN SILENCE*
Remember – if no-one knows that you have a problem, we can’t give you any help or support.
What Can You Do?
You have a basic right not to be bullied, this includes digital and online communications. This is stated clearly in the Human Rights Act (article 3). You don’t deserve it and it shouldn’t happen. There is an answer to your problem. It may take some courage on your part, but with help you will be able to beat the bullies. The most obvious thing to do is to tell someone. However, if you don’t feel ready to tell someone yet, there are some other things you can do which might help.
Fight Back In The Right Way:
- Try not to show that you are upset or angry (remember, that is what the bully wants)
- Show no fear
- Be firm and clear- look them in the eye and tell them to stop
- Make a joke of it (think of a reply beforehand –something funny/clever, that shows you don’t care)
- Get away from the situation – just walk away
- Don’t ignore it - you have rights
- Let people know what is going on - parents, teachers, friends etc.
- Speak to the Buddies or Mini-Buds
- Meet with the Mediators
- Contact CEOP or Childline for online support
Other Things You Can Do:
ü Think positively about yourself
ü Make sure your privacy settings allow friends only to see your online activity, review them regularly
ü Practice being confident
ü Think about what helps and what makes things worse – take some control of the situation
ü Avoid situations where you will be alone
ü Try to avoid places where the bully might be
ü Change your route to school if that is when you get bullied
ü Arrive a bit earlier before school or leave a bit later at the end of the day
ü Keep a record of what is happening
ü Write notes in your journal – you may wish to share this with your teacher or another adult
Get together and talk with friends
Block unwanted online communications
Look for posters or leaflets on bullying
Put up posters and hand out leaflets
Organise an anti-bullying campaign
- Join in activities to stop bullying
Find out if there is a group for children and young people that you could go to, to talk about bullying. If you want more advice on how to stop bullying, call Childline on 0800 1111. Calls are free from landlines and mobiles in the UK and they won't show up on your phone bill. Even if you don't have credit on your mobile phone you can still call for free. Writing can be a great way of getting things out, you can contact Childline and CEOPs online through their web sites. You can email too, go to https://www.childline.org.uk/get-support/contacting-childline/.
Do’s and Don’ts
• Do support and befriend the victims of bullying
• Do support friends when they are being bullied
• Do help others to have the confidence to tell someone
• Do think of each other’s feelings
• Do be aware of bullying and look out for it
• Do report it, if you witness bullying
• Do screen shot anything that makes you feel uncomfortable
• Do find out what our school says about bullying – look at our anti-bullying policy click the policies & procedures link at the bottom of this page.
• Don’t ignore the problem
• Don’t join in, even if everyone else seems to
• Don’t join in because you’re frightened you might be picked on
• Don’t pick on others or tease
• Don’t name call
• Don’t keep quiet about bullying
• Don't use social media inappropriately or as a weapon
Do stay safe on line
* Do make the adults in your life aware of your actions online so that they can be there for you and help you to use the Internet in a positive way
* Don't give out personal information such as your address, phone number or an adult’s bank details
* Do be careful and savvy about what you send out to others or post
* Don't open emails or attachments from people you don't know. It could cause a virus to download or it could allow somebody access to your details
* Don't become online ‘friends’ with people you don't know. Use privacy settings
* Do set your on-screen name to a nickname and use avatars on gaming systems
* Don't ever arrange to meet someone in person who you've met online
* Do tell someone if anything you see or read online worries or upsets you
Why Does The Bully Do It?
Bullies are usually selfish! Generally their reasons for bullying have nothing to do with you and are just a way of getting what they want. This could be:
* Enjoyment * Power
* Attention * Entertainment
* Confidence * Street Cred.
Bullies are often deeply insecure, and may have problems of their own, such as family problems, or may be victims of bullying themselves. However, this is not an excuse. No-one has the right to degrade other people in order to feel better about themselves.
Most bullies are other children, they may be older, younger, or the same age as you. However, sometimes the bully may be an adult – a parent, teacher, relative, or other person you come into contact with regularly. In these situations, it is even more important that you tell someone.
Am I A Bully?
Do you get involved in any of these situations?
- unkind or inappropriate online activity?
- where another person is pushed around or made fun of
where another person is called names
where another person is deliberately left out, or not allowed to join in
where another person is made to feel threatened
where another person has things taken from them without their permission
- If the answer to any of the above is yes, then you could be a bully
Remember: You do not have to have started it to be a bully. By being there and supporting what is going on is enough to make you a bully.